yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
