i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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