You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
