Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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