I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
