That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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