He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
