He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize