My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
