I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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