Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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