i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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