Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm too high and old for this...
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