You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
