Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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