You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
