it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
