dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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