I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
