I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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