So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
