ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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