We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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