I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
