Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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