If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
