...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
