the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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