put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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