Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
