Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize