so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
