the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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