it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
