Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
