Michael Bay diarrhea
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
