I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
