I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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