she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
