Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You need Xanax blowdarts
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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