party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
