don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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