I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
