closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
