I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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