don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
