the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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