Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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