just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
