last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
