DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize