I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
