a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
