First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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