She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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