I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
