the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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