she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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