Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
