I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
