You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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