tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
