dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
