Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
