You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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