but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You are the jesus of drinking
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize