so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
