Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
