I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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