We need to rekindle our bromance
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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