I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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