They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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