How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
