It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
