He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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