My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I FOUND THE LEGS
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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