I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
