I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
