just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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