u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
