you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
