After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
