if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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