He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
