weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize