haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
