dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
