No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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