My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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