i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize