I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
