My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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