The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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