definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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