So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
